What is fat?

Why the obsession over other women's bodies? Why not spend time focusing on ourselves? A good friend of mine sent me this article (http://jezebel.com/5924622/kate-upton-is-now-considered-fat) and while I read it through, it is not that unique. A celebrity has her big break, she is considered to be a beautiful woman, and then she has a bad day, week, month and we swarm on picking her apart. But it's not really a "we" who nitpick here, I believe it's women who do this to each other far more than men to do us. And the bigger question is, why?

Most of the time, we blame the media. The way models look, the way actresses are unattainably thin, and that we idolize them. Yes, this is partially the media's fault, but it is our obsession with it that makes these standards okay. And this creates a cycle where women feel that they have to look a certain way to fit in. I can only imagine that this his been a truth throughout time, with royalty replacing actresses, so what can we do?

When I was a senior in high school we were tasked with writing a research paper on the topic of our choice in order to receive the International Baccalaureate diploma. In the spirit of staying relevant, I looked at the correlation between eating disorders and teenage girls. I found that through an enormous amount of research there are varying levels of what could be considered "disordered eating" and "body dysmorphia", which while are not full blown eating disorders, they effect many girls and women. And what was the main cause of this? How looks are perceived in the media and a lack of self-esteem within women, which we help perpetuate.

So what can we do here? We need to value self-worth. We need to help other women see that what they look like does not matter when compared to health. Eating the right foods, in the right portions, while keeping healthy habits and exercising is what is important. Reading, knowledge, and understanding the world around us, that is important. Sticking our nose up at Kate Upton's potential weight gain is a waste of how far we've all come.

Cycle of Friendship- Part II

I am sure everyone reading this has had a conflict that was the "straw that broke the camel's back" in a particular relationship. A harsh reality is that while we will move forward throughout life, it is not necessarily with the people we saw ourselves with from the beginning. That sucks (since I hate change), but moreover because I have an innate desire to have everyone like me. I know, that is ridiculous, but it is something I've really thought could be possible. If I worked hard enough at my relationships, then surely this would not happen for me. Then, life hits. It changes you. And your relationships either change in tandem, or they don't.

My therapist (come on, I have two for parents) told me that the key to long-lasting friendships is the acceptance of change in one another's lives. How would or could it be possible that at every juncture in life, we'd all be on the same page? Maintaining long-lasting relationships means that we love our friends at their core, but that we may not always like who or where they are right now. We have to be willing to accept that at certain times, we will be ahead, behind, next to, or wherever when compared to our friends.

Over the past year and a half, this has been a tremendous point of contention with people in my life. Essentially, after I met Zack I put less effort into my friendships. For a myriad of reasons, from engaging with Zack's life, to believing that those who I spent years growing relationships with would be around no matter what, I focused on different things. I believed that the effort I had exhausted, the memories (both good and bad), and the notion that we're all going to change would be able to sustain what I had built. In some cases, I was right. And in others, I have seen friends turn their back.

People come into our lives for varying reasons and leave the same way. We become friends based on common interests, shared experiences, or because our lives intersect. Maintaining friendships beyond these easy commonalities is the hard part. Take a step back readers, are you willing to accept that your friend might not have the same amount of time for you when she has a baby, a new hobby, or a new boyfriend? While it is terribly upsetting when someone does not accept this, it does teach a valuable lesson: it may be beyond our control to determine who is a constant in our lives no matter how we try. But, we need people who accept that change is really the only constant in life

Seize your potential, but smell the roses

Over the past month, it seems that the articles discussing women in the workplace are at an all time high. That, or they're going more viral than ever. Sheryl Sandberg is at the center, making waves in statements that she leaves work at 5PM to be with her children, and more recently, in her commencement speech at Barnard, telling women to, "keep your foot on the gas pedal" and "not leave before you leave". I've stayed abreast of all of this, including content of the same sentiment; that women indeed can have it all, not feel guilty, and still succeed.

But here's the thing. I am not Sheryl Sandberg. I am not the COO of Facebook, nor am I the head of Digital at another Fortune 500 company. How did these women get to their current roles? I am absolutely certain no one left work at 5PM. And therein lies an issue I battle with. I don't, as I am sure other women who strive to be successful feel, believe I "deserve" to shut down at 5PM, 6PM or even 8PM. I am always on, always aiming to make my mark. 

While there have been articles on not feeling guilty, there has been a equal amount regarding women who burn out too early. Women who are mentally and physically exhausted by 35. Women who leave corporate jobs they thought they wanted to work for themselves, live in the country, or pursue other methods of happiness. 

The truth is, at 27 I am in my prime to work my ass off. It is the first time in my life I am financially able to be on my own, save money, and do the things I want. I don't have children, I am not married and besides some friends who don't understand the work-life balance I've chosen, I don't have anyone to make me feel guilty. Except of course, myself. I worry that I will not succeed in the sea of opportunity that has been made possible. 

Feminism was supposed to be about choice. And, I think it still can be. With the promotion of "balancing" our work and personal lives (more to the tune that men have always done), then we will be even more successful. If I don't leave at 6PM some nights, go to the gym, take vacation, and see guilty-pleasure movies then I will become to resent my work. My work should enable me to do the things I want and only under the strictest of deadlines, hinder it. 

The nag

We all do it. You're shaking your head right now, but think about it. Have you ever whined to get what you want? Incessantly urged someone to do something they didn't want to do? If you haven't, I will give you my number so I can learn from you because as much as I thought I wasn't "that girl"- I am.

My mom had a rule when I was growing up that before we could barade her when she walked in the door, she needed 15 minutes to herself. I didn't understand why she wasn't able to focus on what I needed, at that very moment, and provide me with the solution/plan/next step. It makes sense. We need time to shift gears. To decompress from work, or being with family and move into the next phase. As an adult, my life is so planned, that taking a few minutes to myself sounds like a waste of time.

I walked into my "new" apartment last week to see Zack sitting on our newly delivered couch. I took a look at it and him, proceeding to rattle off a list of what we had to do right now. After he blankly stared at me, he asked why I didn't comment on the couch or even took 5 minutes to breathe. I realized that I was in full nag mode. The stuff men hate, their terrible folklore of what happens after you move in with someone. And it had to cease.

Listen, we or at least I nag because I'm a control freak. I like things the way I like them and I believe that by complaining and annoying I can change behavior. Untrue. The goal is to compromise and see this as part of the journey. To ask rather than demand. To understand that how I see things is not necessarily how Zack or someone else might. Nagging might be part of our frustration in communication with those around us, but I am bound to find a better way.