Cycle of Friendship- Part II

I am sure everyone reading this has had a conflict that was the "straw that broke the camel's back" in a particular relationship. A harsh reality is that while we will move forward throughout life, it is not necessarily with the people we saw ourselves with from the beginning. That sucks (since I hate change), but moreover because I have an innate desire to have everyone like me. I know, that is ridiculous, but it is something I've really thought could be possible. If I worked hard enough at my relationships, then surely this would not happen for me. Then, life hits. It changes you. And your relationships either change in tandem, or they don't.

My therapist (come on, I have two for parents) told me that the key to long-lasting friendships is the acceptance of change in one another's lives. How would or could it be possible that at every juncture in life, we'd all be on the same page? Maintaining long-lasting relationships means that we love our friends at their core, but that we may not always like who or where they are right now. We have to be willing to accept that at certain times, we will be ahead, behind, next to, or wherever when compared to our friends.

Over the past year and a half, this has been a tremendous point of contention with people in my life. Essentially, after I met Zack I put less effort into my friendships. For a myriad of reasons, from engaging with Zack's life, to believing that those who I spent years growing relationships with would be around no matter what, I focused on different things. I believed that the effort I had exhausted, the memories (both good and bad), and the notion that we're all going to change would be able to sustain what I had built. In some cases, I was right. And in others, I have seen friends turn their back.

People come into our lives for varying reasons and leave the same way. We become friends based on common interests, shared experiences, or because our lives intersect. Maintaining friendships beyond these easy commonalities is the hard part. Take a step back readers, are you willing to accept that your friend might not have the same amount of time for you when she has a baby, a new hobby, or a new boyfriend? While it is terribly upsetting when someone does not accept this, it does teach a valuable lesson: it may be beyond our control to determine who is a constant in our lives no matter how we try. But, we need people who accept that change is really the only constant in life