Settling in

How many of you have started a new chapter in your life patiently waiting to "settle in"? My hand is raised - I imagine most of yours are as well. We tell ourselves that the rough parts are the beginning of things. The anxiety of the unknown, the learning, the adjustment - it's all build up to the point where we wait to settle in. But, what if  settling in doesn't happen? And furthermore, what if that goal isn't what I want to strive for?

Let me explain this a bit more. The past six months (and moreover the past year) have been filled with tremendous changes, creating stress, sadness, happieness, newness, and lots of other feelings I can't quite recall at the moment. Both my relationships and my job seemed to constantly change and I waited for the EKG line of my life to flatten out. Or at least I thought so.

In August, everything piled on at once. My job that I had once loved morphed into a something completely different. Suddenly, I wasn't doing what I thought I would be, I was sought out unfairly by a boss who had it out for me (oh, there will be a blog on this), and the learning had stopped . At the same time, I left my roomates to move in with my boyfriend, while he simultaneously went out on his own with his business. The focus shifted from "moving-in" to creating a sustainable business (which I am happy to say he has). But all in all, I felt displaced. I didn't want to walk into work and my apartment was shared office space. Finally, I found a new job which I started in October. When I got the job, my mom kept telling me that once October hit- I would be able to finally settle in.

So, have I? Let me talk in business terms for a moment. When you set up a campaign there are goals (or KPI's) that success is measured against. When we don't think throughoughly about these goals,we pick the easiest, usually wrong, ones. So we can never understand if we actually achieved what we sought out to do. I think that settling into these new adventures in my life was not the right goal. Perhaps, "settling in" means complacent to me right now.

So, I don't want to be settled, I want to be challenged. I hope my new job brings a steady stream of new learnings and sometimes makes me uncomfortable. I want Zack to push me to be a better person. And most of all, I want to move forward through all of the ups and downs.