Great (Wedding) Expectations

How long have you and your friends been discussing your wedding day? If you are a girl reading this, I would take a guess and say it's been a long time, way before anyone had met the person who could even be the groom to this wedding day dream. The notion of this special day has been ingrained in women's thinking..."happily ever after", right?

In all honesty, I didn't really contribute to these conversations. How was I supposed to know what color flowers I wanted at 16? I listened respectfully to everyone's wishes, all while thinking that someday I would be surely thinking the same types of things. But, it hasn't happened...yet.

I've talked about this before, but I couldn't see myself post college as an adult. Furthermore, I never took marriage to be a truth that would happen in my own life. It might not. Because of that, I think I've also struggled with planning something that I would have no idea if it would ever even happen. Why put the effort in? Why create an expectation and become disappointed? I focused time on things that I knew were "for-sures": work, friends, family, and myself.

In the past year, I've attended over five beautiful weddings because at 27, every other weekend is someone's wedding event. Between engagement parties, showers, bachelorette parties, and the actual wedding, I feel like I've seen it all. I've especially seen how happy it's made my friends and family, but I still don't know if I love all of this for myself. And the bigger question: am I supposed to?

Society sure tells me that I should, and moreover, that I deserve this day. Most books (and famous ones at that) have their heroine's story end after she gets married. There are movies strictly centered around the bride getting the day of her dreams no matter what. And then there are familial expectations, based on a mix of traditions and everyone else's vision of this day. All of this is what is it, but there is a truth that the wedding day should be a dream of mine.

Which leaves me at this conclusion: as women have gained traction in terms of getting to choose our fate, it becomes harder to define ourselves. Was it easier when it was decided for us in 1950? If I don't want a blow-out party am I less of a woman? And if I do decide that I want a dress, to cut the cake, and to act like a princess for a day have I decided to forsake my "I am not that girly" attitude? And moreover, do people want the wedding of their dreams enough they will just marry whoever?

The truth is that expectations always leave us grasping for more. I don't believe "happily every after" actually exists because there is no light without the dark. But, if we can combine what we (and that potential groom) want not just for the "day", but as a relationship mantra then I believe we can achieve at least "contentness ever after" (and if you want, a really good party).