Manners. They are this weird set of rules that are instilled in you through a mix of tradition, values, and what our culture finds to be important. Wash your hands after the bathroom. RSVP to the party on time. Say "please" and "thank you". Call your friend's parents by their last names.... the list goes on.
Learning manners does not end when we are 10, however, there is a whole new set of manners to learn in high school, college, and in our work-environments. There are different sets of manners that correspond to these various environments. You treat a friend who you've known for years differently than a new one who doesn't know you quite as well. You lash out at your Mom in a way you would never want to share with your colleagues. All in all though, manners should reflect what we hold to be right and wrong no matter the circumstance.
In the advertising industry, a totem-poll structure exists where clients (whether agency or brands) who control budgets sit at the top and vendors (anyone who is selling anything to those clients) gravel for their attention and access to the budgets. That's fine, it makes sense. But, I've always struggled with the reception in which those at the top give to those at the bottom, and whether they follow basic niceties.
At my first job as an assistant media planner, I worked on the Sprint business. This simply meant that at 22 I had my hands in a lot of money. Vendors who were at least 15 years my senior would call me to get a place on our media plan, or at least be considered and in exchange, I could get a new pair of Nike's! The bet the vendors were making with me could close a $100,000 deal, and therefore they could bring home 5% of that in commission. This was a fair bet, since it is more likely that a vendor closes a deal based on swag than on the actual product they are selling.
However, I had leaders at this job who made it clear that it was unacceptable to take gifts without returning the favor of a meeting, a call, or politely declining when we knew we were just taking the vendor for a ride. This was an important lesson, since this dynamic is a truth of the industry and I've taken this as a rule of thumb ever since. But, when I am on the other side of the equation, how does one deal with the poor manners of others?
Fast forward to this example: I recently went to an event and a high-profile employee of a company was invited. Rather than emailing to decline, sending thanks, or even trying to find a replacement, this person's child and a friend showed up instead. Is that acceptable? While we are told that you cannot take business personally, it is hard to do so when this examples seems to violate a simple rule of thumb. Have you had similar experiences? How have you dealt?
With technology changing how we interact with everyone and everything, I know manners are hard to instill amidst the constant distraction. Taking all the information I've been privy to, here are some guidelines I stick to within my work life:
- If you are going to cancel, give at least 30 minutes notice
- Always notify if you are running late
- Find someone to replace you at a meeting or an outing if you cannot make it. Especially if the person who is coming in for the meeting is from out of town
- Don't accept gifts unless you are planning on working with the vendor
- Don't hide behind an email or a CC- If there is an issue address it head on
- Always write a Thank You note after you are taken out
- As high as you rise, don't forget that you were once at the bottom
If you have more to add, please chime in!
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