Mother's Day

As Mother's Day came to an end this weekend, I realized there is a more important point within the holiday beyond the brunch and flowers: Do we spend enough time thanking our Mothers? Is one day enough? If my Mother is reading this, she is absolutely laughing out loud. Of course we don't thank them enough! How could we ever? But, as I become more of an an adult and less of a teenager I realize more and more everyday how much I should thank my Mom for everything. There are the obvious reasons (childbirth), but there are so many less obvious ones that are unique to each Mother- Child relationship.

When I was sixteen my grandmother gave me a book titled, "My Mother/My Self: The Daughter's Search for Identity". To this day, I still have not gotten past the introduction (sorry grandma!). She handed me the book as a mea culpa, to ask me to please work on my relationship with my Mom since it was not going so well at that point in time. It's been quite a journey, but I do feel that my Mother is the most important person in my life.

There are a million reasons why the relationship with one's mother is a challenging one. For me, I didn't feel that I identified with mine. I shopped, she didn't. I am tall with brown hair, brown eyes, and straight hair. She is shorter with wavy blonde hair and green eyes. I never stop talking, my Mom enjoys the silence. First world problems, right? I felt that I was my Dad's child in every way and could not grasp onto anything that would foster a relationship with my Mom, other than the fact that I was her daughter.

Taking a step back, I was intolerable for a good seven years - I was mean and didn't want to follow her rules. There was the time I threw a remote at my Mom's head after I was grounded for continuously lying about my whereabouts, or when she found my fake ID and laughed endlessly while I looked around for it claiming I had lost my "library card"- there are more good ones to share, but this paints the picture.

It took me a long time to realize that I wanted to have a positive relationship with my Mom. And if I wanted that, then I would have to make concessions and work on it. And I did. The turning point for this was around the notion of sacrifice. Not the religious ritual, but the sacrifice of oneself for the benefit of giving to others. My Mom literally gave herself to my brother, my dad, and I. She kept everything and everyone together, dealt with the brunt of my teenage drama, advocated for my brother and I inside and outside of school, and paid little to no attention to herself (Dad, you are the best too!). When I began to empathize with her and understand all she has done, the relationship started to blossom into something else. She is still partially my Mom, but also partially herself: Jill. And I realized I liked her.

As time goes on and things change for all of us, my Mom is my unwavering support system. She is who I call first, she is the voice I hear in my head when I know I am not acting like my best self, she is the guidance I seek in all instances. I am by no means a "mommy's girl", but I do understand that I am lucky that my Mom has my best interests at hand and she always will. So Mom, and all the Mom's out there who give their all: Thank you. I would not be where I am today without you.